Study: Baseball Causes Cancer

Throughout history, plenty of things have happened. One of those things is cancer. Several baseball players have had cancer, and it makes one wonder: Does baseball cancer? Well, maybe it does. Just think about it. Long hours in the sun, chewing tobacco, the use of microwaves to heat meals between games . . . It all makes sense. But is there more to it than that? Let's look at some players who have had cancer and attempt to find a common link.

The following players had cancer: Darryl Strawberry, Eric Davis, Scott Radinsky, and Brett Butler. What does this tell you? Playing for the Los Angeles Dodgers causes cancer.

You might say, "But Eli Marrero never played for the Dodgers!" Well, guess what. He was traded with J.D. Drew, who now plays for the Dodgers. And Danny Jackson? He happened to be traded for Fernando Valenzuela . . . of the Dodgers. So not only does L.A. cause cancer, but it makes cancer contagious, too.

What's that you say? Andres Galarraga never played for the Dodgers? Well, guess what. He played for the Anaheim Angels, who are now the Los Angeles Angels.

I could go on, but I don't feel like it, so I'll cut this post short. Just remember this: Los Angeles causes cancer and turns it into a communicable disease. It also slightly deflates your batting statistics.