Don't do it, Smoltz!

All morning, the buzz has been growing about John Smoltz' impending move to Boston and, since Smoltz is a known blog hound, I figure this is the best place to get his attention.

I grew up a big Smoltz fan because a few of my cousins attended Waverly High School in Lansing, Michigan with him. Smoltz was a terror on the mound, though his talent was unfortunately overshadowed to a degree by the presence of teammates Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine. Despite this, he managed to reign in the 1996 Cy Young Award.

Then there is the longevity. While Maddux has retired and Glavine is still kind of on his farewell tour after rejoining the Atlanta Braves (going straight from the Mets to the Braves' disabled list), Smoltz is a top free agent prospect! And don't forget that when Tommy John surgery limited with stamina, he said, "No big deal," and just became the best save man in National League history, shattering Eric Gag-ne's record of 53 in a season. Oh, and two years later, he was back in the rotation.

What I'm saying is... it's hard not to like Smoltz. And to contrast with that, it is VERY hard to like the Boston Red Sox. How can I reconcile this other than to just plea with Smoltz to ditch the Sox. "Don't do it!" I want to shout to him, to you. Nooooooooooooooooooo!.

But reflecting upon how I cherish Smoltz and how I despise Boston, my brow furrows. It would seem that my only affinity for Smoltz is his origins in Lansing and the stories my older cousins would tell about him. And if he is anything like my cousins, then I really only know two things about him. 1) He is from Lansing, and 2) a quick John Smoltz Google Image search shows:



Apparently, he's also a homophobe.

I wonder if he knows how many homos there are in Boston? He must not, or he wouldn't have made a "handshake-deal" with the GM of the Sox.

Touching another man, John? Gross.